ALONE IN A CROWD

There are strangers all around me.  Some, I know by name.  Some have called me friend.  Some have even been called friend my me.  Some, I have loved.  One was part of me, another still remains a part of me and wears my face.  I scan the crowd with mounting anxiety.  How many of you conceal knives ready for use in a moment?  I quietly withdraw to private places, where I must only confront the one I can never escape.  Most of the crowd is content to forget that I was among them.  They don’t really notice each other either.  Some are different.  They pursue me.  Why?  The days of foolish vulnerability are long over.  Everyone has a reason.  Everyone has a motivation.  I, too, carry a knife.  Sometimes I let people see it, though I have rarely felt the need to brandish it.  Most pursuers give up long before they’ve even seen it.  Apathy and a cold shoulder can make a better shield than the best of armor.  Still, some persist.  Why?  I have felt the arms, as if they would encircle me with love.  I have felt the dagger in my heart.  What do you want from me?  I would give it to you if I thought that it would buy me a friend.

You are not all like the one who was once a part of me.  My head knows this, but my heart trembles in fear that I might be wrong.  After all, we are all human.  We are not computers, always controlled by the rule of physical laws and by logic.  Who is that behind you, gently guiding you as you approach?  I think I’m supposed to know him.  He’s a part of me too.  Why is He so hard to see?  Isn’t He with me always?  Isn’t He the fulfillment of love?  Why must I let you near me?  Yet, He has chosen to reveal His love through you.  The God whom I claim to know is less of a stranger to me because you let Him show His nature through your actions.  I begin to truly understand that He is my lover, comforter, and protector.  I can let you love me, and I can love you.  We can learn to forgive one another when our frailties overcome us and we hurt one another.  The God who loves us all is the great physician.  He loved us more than His own life, so we can embrace one another, as our Father of unfailing love embraces us.